Is it possible for a man to build a good career and a good family at the same time?

It is entirely possible! Moreover, it is the duty of every man. Men and women are built for different roles. What is difficult and exhausting for most men (e.g., daily household chores, watching, raising, and educating children, washing dishes, cleaning the house, doing laundry) is easier for women.

What is difficult and exhausting for most women (a job that brings stress and responsibility because a poor performance could mean the entire family starves, and depending on the type of work, sometimes physical labor) men endure more easily.

It should be noted that women and men have slightly different biological clocks, so women should be more careful when planning their lives. The ideal age range for having children (so they are healthy and to avoid genetic mutations) is from 20 to 30 years of age. For men, the ideal age for fathering children is from 20 to 35 years of age . This is scientifically proven and easy to verify.

According to Judaism, the ideal environment is one where the family supports its sons and daughters to get married between the ages of 18 and 20, having previously trained them for marriage and raising children. There are hundreds of thousands of people living in such communities in Israel and America. Thus, from an early age, the family provides them with training for marriage and childcare, teaches them to live in accordance with the Torah, and provides them with the financial and material resources to start an independent life and build a new family. Such communities still exist in some places in the Muslim world (unfortunately, the situation has changed drastically in the last 30-40 years, as girls are forced into university and denied the opportunity of motherhood under the social pressure of education).

To be clear, we do not advocate for forcing women to be child-bearing machines, but rather that women have the choice to decide what they want: career or family. Admittedly, in the past, women could not choose a career over a family and only had the option to be mothers, and social pressure was directed toward that (which is why women who did not want to be mothers were forced to become mothers) - but today the situation is reversed. Today, in most cases, young women do not have the choice to be stay-at-home mothers before the age of 30, because the economic situation in all countries is very poor for the average citizen - so the guy they are supposed to marry physically cannot earn enough money to support a family, even with the help of parents (not counting the dowry). That is why the situation in most Muslim countries today is what it is. Only Israel provides high financial subsidies and tries with all its might to avoid the fate of Europe, America, and unfortunately now most Muslim countries as well (Turkey, Iran, the Gulf States, North Africa).

Is it possible for a woman to build a good career and a good family at the same time?

We must be honest - it is very difficult. Only women who have children can confirm what a massive responsibility children are in terms of how much attention and time must be dedicated to them. Likewise, a good career also demands time. Therefore, if two things require a similar amount of time, and a day does not last 48 hours but 24, we can only choose one thing, or make a compromise. We will compare real-life groups of women who chose only one thing and those who chose both.

Women who chose only family

Women who consciously chose to fully dedicate themselves to family and the home, like women in traditional, religious Jewish communities, view the role of mother and wife as their primary life calling and source of greatest fulfillment. Surrounded by the support of a stable community and a husband, they raise numerous offspring, investing their energy into the upbringing of children and the inner peace of the home. Depending on the level of religious observance, the average varies, but in traditional and ultra-Orthodox communities, women have between 6 and 8 children. Therefore, a situation where a grandmother has 90 grandchildren in her old age is not a rarity at all in these communities, but is considered a standard statistic. When they reach old age, these women generally feel no regret over missed business opportunities nor do they have any existential remorse; looking at their grandchildren and great-grandchildren, they proudly point out that they lacked nothing in life and that their greatest life achievement is precisely the living, healthy family that surrounds them daily.

Women who chose only a career

On the other hand, women who opted exclusively for a career and professional success often reach high positions in society, achieve financial independence, and build impressive resumes. However, as the years pass and old age sets in, many of them realize that the material aspect, professional titles, and bank accounts lose their original value compared to human closeness. Some women who are left without a spouse and children in old age face deep loneliness and the absence of anyone to visit them or help them in times of illness, which is why they often become envious of those women who have laughter and warmth in their homes, aware that professional success cannot be translated into family love at the end of life.

Women who chose both

Women who try to balance both family and a career find themselves under constant pressure from modern society, which demands 100% commitment on both fronts. Unlike religious Jewish women who rely on the traditional marriage covenant and a community where divorce is minimized, women who choose both models are exposed to extreme stress and burnout syndrome, because it is physically and mentally difficult to manage both childcare and the demands of the workplace. This difference in societal stability and structure is clearly reflected in security statistics as well. While in isolated, religious Jewish neighborhoods the rates of suicide, murder, theft, and rape are at an all-time low due to strict moral laws and family cohesion, in the rest of the secular world, where women mostly must or want to choose a career or both, rates of crime, mental illness, and social instability are unfortunately constantly rising.

What kind of compromise are we talking about if a woman doesn’t want to just be a housewife living under a rock, but also doesn’t want to work 9-to-5?

Since the Bible mentions the enterprising woman (Proverbs, Chapter 31), God does not dispute the existence of enterprising women. Today, alongside raising children and maintaining the household, a woman can (if she wishes) simultaneously work a flexible online job from home and earn an income. She can also help her husband run his business, or be involved in a family business.

Does this mean a man should only earn money and a woman should only be a housewife and raise children, and absolutely no other way?

The answer is: No, it does not have to be that rigid at all. Our recommendation, because that is how most people are biologically designed, is for the man to work and the woman to take care of the household. But the most important thing is how the two agree.

If the woman agrees and wants to work, and the man wants to take care of the household and raise and nurture the children, then let it be so. Nowhere does it say in the Bible that it is forbidden. However, just because a woman earns an income does not mean she is the head of the family. In that case, she would have to accept that even though she earns money, she cannot overturn the biblical order where the man is responsible for the entire family and for vital decisions. And she must not blackmail the man just because she manages the finances. The entire Tanakh speaks of this (especially the Israelites’ time in the wilderness) - that the male is the most responsible, and when there was a rebellion against Moses and God, it was the men who were punished. If the women had been punished, it would mean they were the heads of the household. However, this does not mean that women have no role if they are housewives. The man is the head of the house, but the woman is the pillar. If the woman is bad or leaves the family, the whole family would ruin, just as a house would collapse without pillars.

Reasons for starting a family

1. Channeling life energy toward permanence

While the secular lifestyle often directs a person toward fleeting pleasures that quickly fade away, a family represents an “investment” in eternity. Creating offspring and passing values down to children means that your actions, your virtue, and your knowledge outlive your physical life. It is a way to leave a mark that is substantial, not superficial.

2. A school of character (Working on personal integrity)

Nothing tests and builds human character faster and deeper than marriage and parenthood. A family forces you to step out of the comfort zone of your own ego. Caring for a spouse and children requires:

• Patience: It teaches us to delay instant gratification for the sake of long-term good.

• Self-sacrifice: It develops the ability to love someone else more than ourselves.

• Responsibility: It teaches us that our actions have real, lasting consequences on other people.

3. Fulfillment through “Tikkun Olam” (Repairing the world)

The family is the basic cell of society. If you want the world to become a better place, you cannot achieve it through abstract debates or virtual arguments. The most direct way to “repair the world” (Tikkun Olam) is to raise children who will be moral, responsible, and honest beings. One healthy, stable family contributes more to the stability of all humanity than any institution.

4. The depth of human connection (A source of joy)

Pleasure within a family is the highest form of earthly pleasure because it is grounded in trust, loyalty, and a shared destiny. Unlike short-lived pleasures, living together with a spouse provides stability that makes a person more resilient to life’s blows. It is a space where you are accepted in your entirety - with all your virtues and flaws - creating an emotional security that is impossible to find anywhere else.

5. Overcoming loneliness and purposelessness

Many people today suffer from a “crisis of meaning,” often spending time on unproductive activities, scrolling, or escaping responsibility. A family provides a natural framework of responsibility. When you have someone to come home to and someone to work for, your daily efforts gain a clear purpose. A family keeps us from getting lost in trivialities and pushes us to be a better version of ourselves.